And he kisses me like he’s afraid I’ll break. He’s strong enough to pick me up but he does it gently so that I feel fragile in his arms. He’s funny and intelligent. And he knows that I’m too fucked up for anything real right now, but that I want him nonetheless, so he comes to me. He’s perfect, right? Then why did I ignore him yesterday? And why didn’t he text me instead of letting me ignore him all day? I don’t know. I texted him about an hour ago and no response. Now, in his absence (even though my stipulations made sure he was never really, fully here) all I can think about is him. How he smells, his smile, how strong and warm he is. And if he doesn’t text me back, I’m not eating for the rest of the week. Because I can’t control the actions of this guy, but I can control what he sees when we’re back together again. Maybe if I’m smaller and prettier he’ll call or text me even when I’m being withdrawn because of this stupid obsession with not being perfect. But as soon as we start talking again, I’ll probably fall into another trap set by a few pounds gained or accidentally consuming calories during a fast and everything will be fucked up again. I’m so tired of this taking over my life…